how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
