Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
