Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
