Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
