apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
