We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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