I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
