I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
