am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she told me i tasted like america
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
