But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
