i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
