Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
