Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
