Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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