youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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