so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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