wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
