you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
