I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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