The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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