Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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