You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
