You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
