Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
