The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
