so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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