I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
