Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
