hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
