so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
