im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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