It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
