My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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