just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
