Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My bed smells like the plague
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
