she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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