so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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