i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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