I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
