so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
