It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
