i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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