Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
