its not stalking. its research.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
