community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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