bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
