good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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