I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
