Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sext me about skeletons
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
