Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
