I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
so much tequila, so little girl.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
