i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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